What my herniated disk experience taught me about taking control
In 2014 my back went. I can’t remember what I was doing but I have a suspicion it was a combination of a bad yoga teacher and my poor deadlift form.
I went to the doctor and guess what she told me…it was a herniated disk. I didn’t believe her because I wasn’t in too much pain and I always thought that was debilitating. Instead of waiting for physio, I went for a second opinion, and then a third, and by the fourth, I was in agony. This time, I was told the same as the GP but with a full explanation of where it was and how we were going to fix it.
Months of rehab, dry needling, exercises, bouncing on a swiss ball at my desk in work, and a healthy dose of determination and I was feeling loads better, which was good, because I was a miserable sod without the gym or support from a partner or friends. I suffered in silence.
Then, a dodgy prawn in a Chinese takeaway whilst visiting home in Scotland at Christmas, caused me to vomit. And whilst leaning over the porcelain bus, my back succumbed and popped again!
I couldn’t believe it. All that work I’d done to get to where I was - ruined by a prawn.
To get back to my then home in South East England, I had to drive. But the 350+ miles were just not going to be possible. I arranged to meet my then housemate who I handed my car over to so that I could get the train. I had to stop at every service station to get out and stretch. That’s how debilitating it was.
As soon as I got home, it was back to my osteo for more treatment. The morning after that session, which included dry needling, I was As soon as I got home, it was back to my osteo for more treatment. The morning after that session, which included dry needling, I got out of bed with the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life. It was sciatic pain on crack. I can’t even describe it. Then it dissipated and disappeared. And after that I felt great.
My osteo sent me for an MRi scan and when that came back, it showed a considerable sized mushroom-shaped herniation popping out of my disc. By this point, Guess what the doctor told me?
‘I don’t know how you’ve got to this point without surgery.’
It was a moment of genuine satisfaction at the months of effort and commitment to fixing it.
Very good Jaxx, but what does all this have to do with ‘healing’ in the affirming echo chamber of the trauma pushers?
If I had allowed my body to ‘heal’ itself I would still be walking around in pain today, 10 years later. I am certain of it. I may even be worse!
Healing is a word that removes the expectation that work has to be done to ‘fix’ whatever it is that needs to be ‘fixed’. For me that was lack of confidence, ruminating, disconnected from my self, and an inability to connect to a man to form a healthy relationship.
Healing is passive. Healing removes agency. Healing removes action, leaving it up to 'time', which is after all a great healer...isn't it?
To peace and prosperity
jaxx
コメント