When March 2020 hit, it propelled me into a life of solitude, with no human company, except 2D online interactions or phone calls. I finally made a decision that I’d been mulling over and researching for about a year before, as it wasn’t a decision I was going to make on a whim. It caused quite a bit of disruption to my life which had, until that point, been free from any real responsibility.
On the 1st July, in the thick of ‘that’ period of time, I was patiently awaiting the arrival of my two new flatmates - Marcie and Sunset, two adorable lop rabbits that I love with every ounce of my being.
The girl from the rescue arrived at 6pm as planned, and although I intended for them to be free roam eventually, they had an enclosure to make them feel safe in their new home. They were terrified to come out of the carry case. After a few minutes, when they did come out, they bolted straight into the hideaway, a safe space to seek refuge in. Even with all my research I didn’t know it wasn’t actually suitable for them as it only had one doorway. (They should always have at least two which makes perfect sense when you know why).
The first year was a huge learning curve and there were times when I came close to giving up on them. Having them in my life has taught me so much about myself, about rabbits and about how misunderstood they are.
Which is why I couldn’t help but relate their wee lives to another subject I have been learning about - trauma.
Is ‘trauma’ the new ‘awesome’?
Last week I started a short, five week evening course called, “Working with Trauma”. I signed up at the start of the year when I was trying to figure out which direction I wanted to take my writing in. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and almost didn’t bother going as thoughts about it being ‘too much’ entered my mind. The one thing I did want to get from it was what this course would class as ‘trauma’.
It’s a word that appears to be getting so overused it’s in danger of becoming diluted. A bit like the word ‘awesome’. Is there one word we can now use to describe how completely amazing, or unbelievably breathtaking something is? Before the bastardisation of ‘awesome’, there was.
The stories that were being relayed on the course were uncomfortable at best and shocking at worst. I left feeling humbled and grateful for the life I have, the choices I have been able to make and the resilience I have always had. Sure my life hasn’t been a bed of roses and I’ve had some childhood stuff and losses to sort through, but I never had to lie in my bed at night with shoes on ready to bolt. Nor am I living a life that’s plagued by predatory men (and maybe even women) who use my vulnerability against me for their own evil and misguided reasons.
After the first night of the course, I had a much clearer perspective, and confirmation that my thoughts around the overuse of the word ‘trauma’ were, as far as I can tell, legitimate.
Gaining some perspective
Rabbits, as prey animals, are in a constant state of fear and high-alert. They can go from ‘off’ to ‘on’ in a heartbeat. They freeze when they’re assessing threat and bolt, jumping into flight mode when the danger is so much that they need to hide. My two house buns are safe as houses, but they still thump and still bolt, always ‘on’, even after three years in their forever home. And it has been known for some rabbits to become aggressive if their wee lives have been so affected that they need to attack to feel safe, something that can be fixed with the right care and environment.
This constant state of high-alert is what I thought about when hearing stories of people with life-altering traumatic experiences - they are in constant survival mode, living in their limbic system. A state those of us with a social media account could probably not even begin to imagine being in, let alone have to recover, or, to coin another overused word, ‘heal’ from. Those are the souls who are the ‘rabbit caught in the headlights’. Those who might never be so lucky as to find a safe space to hide in, or who will stay in an unsafe space because that is all they know, frozen, unable to bolt because they have no idea what a safe space looks or feels like, who need very specialist help, if they ever get access to it.
Then there are those experiences that are also labeled as ‘trauma’. But only when we go looking for it do we know these are classed as the ‘wee-t’ events - the negative, unfortunate experiences that have shaped the brain in unhelpful ways and affect emotional intelligence and mental health, but can be overcome with awareness, the right help, information and knowledge.
To continue the rabbit-like behaviour analogy, it will not be as severe as it’s not complete survival mode. The fight or flight response might kick in more frequently, the limbic system may take over more easily, unhelpful attachment styles, the disconnection from Self, the unhelpful patterns or conditioning, but it can, and does have the opportunity to be corrected.
[It wasn’t until I read one of the articles referenced at the end that I realised the word is potentially being so overused that it doesn’t even fit into either of these categories. Isn’t that…awesome?]
Do we need a more realistic, and, dare I say, optimistic view?
We don’t need to be doctors to know that a third degree burn is serious and must be treated differently to a first degree burn, and both are equally as painful, but both identifiable as a burn. Nor do we need to be an optician to know there is a scale of eyesight deterioration and varying prescriptions that must suit the individual. We also know that even the strongest prescription glasses will never provide vision for someone that has no eyesight.
Might we seek to identify an accessible scale or other words to offer a sense of differentiation and perspective on what trauma actually is, so that those who actually need it, can get the best prescription for their own individual needs? An enclosed safe space for the rabbits that has a hideaway with two escape routes, through to a luscious field for the determined lion that has been set free from the confines of the zoo.
To peace and prosperity,
jaxx x
End note and further reading: As I was writing this, uncertainty crept in as to whether my views were valid, so I did a little online search and here are two other articles offering views on the subject for reference.
https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22876522/trauma-covid-word-origin-mental-health - the worrying implications of it’s overuse
https://thecritic.co.uk/the-dilution-of-trauma/ - an even deeper look at it’s chronic overuse
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