There comes a point in many people’s lives when we begin to wonder what the h3ll we’re doing here. I think it’s lovingly referred to as a midlife crisis. For the many who have it all figured out, I envy you and applaud you you in equal measure.
I certainly didn't and last year (2022), at 45, I had to take some time to decide what I wanted to do with my writing, and my life.
You hear a lot of stories about people who have overcome something in their lives and then go on to use that learning to do something useful with it. A classic example is the person who discovers the benefit of fitness and exercise, losing a lot of weight or getting a new lease of life from their new regime, and they become a personal trainer.
I can relate to it. For me though my journey wasn’t a physical fitness one, I got on that road in my twenties, and thankful to have done so as health and fitness has given me a much-needed anchor in my life. For me this time, it was a journey of the heart, mind and soul if I’m going to get all up in your spiritual grill about it, and improving my emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and living a more conscious living.
It began because I had been single for a very long time, and had found myself in relationships that were less than ideal, one in particular that was really quite toxic. I had to take responsibility for my situation if I wanted to have a loving, respectful relationship, and eventually get married to someone who wanted to work together as a team and build a life together. I knew that it had to start with me and I had to figure out what in heavens name I had to do to have a chance of getting this in my life.
Without going into too much detail at this stage, I don’t know who my biodad is. That, along with a number of childhood, and teenage experiences led to me living in a ‘fog-tunnel’, disconnected from myself with a lack of emotional intelligence and an inability to love and value myself. This created the perfect environment for indecision and poor decisions that weren’t based on my wants and needs, because I didn’t know what those were. Outwardly, it might well have looked like I was an independent, headstrong girl/woman, but inside, and emotionally, I was stuck at age seven.
Aside from all of the childhood stuff and how my homelife affected me, I also started to question the dominant narratives in society that we are all exposed to that I believe are, at worst toxic, and at best, unhelpful.
I could see the effects a lack of emotional intelligence had on my life and I started to wonder about the consequences of accidental conceptions, and unplanned pregnancies that go on to be unwanted births, and the detrimental effects this could be having on those who are brought into the world in this way.
I was stunned to discover that almost half of all pregnancies are unintended, 60% end in abortion (of which 45% are unsafe), which means that, almost half of those unintended conceptions, go on to become babies, children and adults.
Then I started to become more aware of the narratives around contraception, responsibility, and a distinct lack of emotions-led sex education which is why I’ll be talking about all of this. I’m going to call this the SEQs Evolution. I know first-hand how low emotional intelligence is a red flag in every aspect of life, especially relationships and connection to others.
It goes without saying that this is a deeply complex subject, and I will honour that through my words, and actions, and will make every effort to be respectful of the nuances. In saying that, sometimes it might well be necessary to light a taper to fuel the flames of discussion.
To peace and prosperity
jaxx.
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