One of my guilty pleasures is Married At First Sight Australia. It’s one of the very few shows I watch on TV - I’m more of a documentary, factual kind of woman. On the current series, one guy, a financially successful businessman in his twenties talks about how his mum gave him a coin when he was a boy. She told him to bury it in the garden and water it, and take care of it and it would grow into a money tree.
When I heard that story I couldn’t help but think about how I was brought up with the polar opposite message of “money doesn’t grow on trees”. “Do you think I’m made of money” was another one, and I would always get the least expensive option, or would have to go without. I wasn’t deprived, but I am from a working class background and I grew up with ‘lack’ as the go-to status when it came to money.
The finances thing is a strange one in terms of emotional intelligence. I would like to start by saying that I do not think money is the be all and end all, but it is important, and there is no shame in wanting to have it. Something I believe is asserted onto a certain group of people, particularly when I was little.
Those two very different of stories about a money tree helps illustrate how attitudes to money can be, and are formed. Although there was this ‘lack’ in my family, I would say that my ongoing attitude to finances was a result of external, societal forces, more than my familial conditioning, although it was a contributing factor.
As a child I remember having a Bank of Scotland Squirrel Savers Account and I was encouraged to save pocket money, and monetary gifts I was given. I remember taking my small navy blue book, that was protected by a plastic cover, into the bank to put money in or take money out. The bank teller would write the amount inside, along with the total that remained in the account on that day.
In my early twenties, when they were first introduced, I opened an ISA as they were all the rage at the time and everyone was being urged to have these new tax free savings accounts. I was working in a bank call centre so it was a natural thing to do.
I’ve also never got myself into huge amounts of debt and have always been careful. I was lucky to be educated at a time when debt was more affordable, so I also didn’t rack up a lot of student debt either.
But never did I receive, and never was I exposed to information about wealth creation, or positive messages about how to accumulate orto not be afraid of money and indeed, how to manage it successfully. In fact, as time went on, the narrative was dominated by credit and debt. 0% credit cards were all the rage. Balance transfers from one credit card provider to another encouraged people to rack up debt like there was no tomorrow.
Finances spilling into relationships
Having low emotional intelligence or lack of awareness about how important finances are in life, also showed up in my expert role as the ‘bad picker’. I seemed to have an uncanny ability to choose men who were financially challenged (men in their 20’s and 30’s and no judgement!). I won’t go into any more detail on that other than to say, that big lessons should have been learned when I made this mistake the first time. I didn’t because I didn’t see it, and hadn’t been modelled choosing a partner who was good with their finances…or at least did’t expect me to help them out. Me helping them, and being ok with helping them, was part of my people pleaser conditioning, and bowing down to a man’s whims. It was me showing a clear lack of boundaries, self-betrayal and not spotting red flags. I don’t mind lending a few quid here and there, but I unconsciously allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
It’s quite phenomenal how it all intertwines.
My recent monetary lessons
Very recently I have been learning more about the world of finance. In a short space of time I have managed to learn more about how the global financial system operates, and have started to unlearn my conditioning around ‘money’, taking small steps to continue to do what I believe is right for me, and to keep learning more.
I am going to leave this link here and you can do with it whatever you wish. You will learn the difference between currency and sound money, as well as a whole lot more. I believe the time and energy invested to watch it is totally worth it.
Final thoughts
I believe society, and the system is failing much of the population in terms of monetary history, monetary education, monetary awareness, and ‘wealth’ creation. They are selling a Champagne lifestyle, paid for using credit and creating debt which in turn creates wealth for the ones who benefit from selling the Champagne lifestyle. Quite clever of them really.
A huge shift in attitudes to money (or currency) has to happen. I believe this could come from a move towards self-responsibility, the value we place on our time and energy, the contribution we make nd the effort we are willing to put in to create a peaceful and prosperous life, if that is what is wanted. And all of this requires good emotional intelligence. No easy task, if we all want to start from the same baseline.
To your peace and prosperity.
jaxx x
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