For the last few weeks I have been having a little fun emotion coaching the Sex and the City characters. This week I wanted to start exploring the possible attachment styles of each of the characters, so I’m just going to dive straight in, starting with the easiest one, Charlotte.
Charlotte
Last week I mentioned Charlotte’s pattern, which is projecting her perfect fantasy of the perfect guy and the perfect relationship onto every man she meets. She tends to begin those fantasies as soon as she meets a guy, which isn’t healthy. It’s not just at the start of her dating life where this pattern plays out.
We see her need to control when and how things happen, is during her relationship with Harry when she invests heavily by converting to Judaism for him.
“Set the date. Set the date!” we hear her yell when Harry isn’t behaving as she would like him to, when again, she goes above and beyond for her first official Shabbat (or Sabbath), serving up a traditional dinner, a feast fit for seven, for the two of them. It’s a feast that she roped Carrie and Miranda into helping her cook and Miranda even attempts to bring her back down to earth, “aren’t you counting your Matzo balls before they rise?”, she quips.
Charlotte’s outburst at the dinner table continues. Fuelled by her pattern of projecting her expectations about how and when things should happen, the flames of anger burn with an unkind and uncomfortable tirade, “do you know how lucky you are to have me? Do you know how we look? Do you know what people out there think when they see us together? Do you?”
Harry walks out, “…and to think I bought a ring.”
It’s not her finest hour but is a reminder that indeed, no one is perfect, no matter how hard they may try to keep up that facade.
She is devastated and knows that she was in the wrong. Thankfully she runs into him at a meet and greet singles event. She tells him how much she loves him, and she doesn’t care about ever getting married and she just wants to be with him, and that she would be lucky to have him. She asks him to forgive her, and to please call her or ask her out again.
And then he proposes.
It was her decision to convert, and her decision to prepare a feast for him, and her pattern of projecting her expectations that led to their break up. Thankfully, Harry is one of the good ones, and he loves her and wants to be with her, flaws and all.
Charlotte is highly emotional, and she lives her life wearing her heart on her sleeve. She could benefit from engaging her left brain more, to be more logical and add context to her dating life - I know nothing about this man; he is a stranger; oh there I go again projecting my fantasy onto him….
How can she do this? Meditation, logical brain exercises such as Sudoku, puzzles, and brainteasers. She might also like to try other brain integration exercises that she can find online. Or, having been advised of her pattern by her friends, she can take steps to ensure that she breaks the pattern by journaling and practicing self-awareness when she meets someone new.
All that said, I would say that her attachment style is secure, as she knows who she is, what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to put herself out there to find the love she wants.
To peace and prosperity,
jaxx
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