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'Good Enough' Emotional Intelligence, Self Awareness and Confidence

It’s only four weeks until I take part in the two day Emotion Coaching UK and I’m looking forward to learning more theoretical and practical information. I have so many thoughts and ideas about how I will contribute to the emotional intelligence of the world. At this stage that sounds like a big statement but it’s one that I feel I need to make if I am going to have any sort of influence on raising the EQ of those who need it.


Today I wanted to write about the term ‘good enough’ EQ that I have stareted using and will continue to use, and EQ in relation to self-awareness and confidence. They have been brought into light in my own life recently and I believe they care crucial in building up a good enough EQ, as well as being areas that are sadly lacking for many people, and children.


First - my explanation of ‘good enough’ EQ…


Good Enough Emotional Intelligence

Even with my fairly limited, and mostly self-taught, book-reading knowledge, it’s so obvious how ‘good enough’ EQ is essential for each and every one of us who want to have an enriched and fulfilling life. Yet it would appear that emotion coaching and taking steps to raise EQ is very much in its infancy, pardon the pun. ‘Good enough’ EQ is not about being perfect, of course we are all fallible and human. The phrase ‘good enough’ is taken, borrowed, stolen, from the wonderful Alain de Boton’s School of Life. It is a phenomenal resource and the term is exactly as it reads. Life, love, the universe and we as inviduals do not need to be perfect or great. Striving to be good enough is a noble pursuit in itself. Here is a link to their video, ‘Good Enough is Good Enough’.


For those of us who have not had a chance to develop our emotional intelligence, striving to improve it takes time and effort, with ample helpings of discomfort accompanied by huge spoonfuls of self-compassion. It is not an easy task. So to make it more manageable and to adopt the base of empathy for ourselves, lets start by aiming for something that is better than we are now. And that will eventually be good enough.


Self awareness and confidence - which comes first?

It takes a whole lot of self-awareness to even notice, and importantly, admit that our emotional intelligence is a bit skee whiff and could be doing with a bit of a workout. It’s not comfortable to admit, “I’m an emotional f@ckwit!” but we have to if we want to improve. Jung would have called it shadow work.


When we don’t have a good enough EQ, most likely, we are operating from an unconscious place, making decisions and choices that are based on conditioned patterns that are most likely not serving our true selves. This will then potentially lead to confidence being eroded.

I’m going to use my own experience to illustrate this point.


Writing is something I have loved doing for as long as I can remember. I won a poetry competition in primary school, and when I went into marketing, I loved writing creative copy, direct marketing letters, or articles, and blogs etc.


But writing was never something I thought of as a way of making a living. I never explored it.


Why not?


Because I was never granted the opportunity to, by myself, my mum or grandparents, or at school. So I didn’t have the self-confidence or belief or awareness that it was something I should explore or make a go of.


I am now writing my first ever piece of fiction. A novel that started as a short story but I got so wrapped up in character development and plots that it grew arms and legs. I am on my second edit, almost ready to print a third draft and I have loved every minute of it. Seeing it all coming together, using my time to do something I absolutely love has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life.


Why did it have to take until my fortieth decade on this earth to discover this?


Not only has writing the novel given me so much joy and satisfaction, I can feel my confidence levels rising, even though I have no idea if it will ever be published or will be successful. I have found something that I love doing for me. And this confidence is oozing it’s way like delicious sweet caramel sauce into so many other areas of my life.


What is my point?


We need self-awareness to be able to know what we love doing, what makes us happy and satisfies our own wants and needs. When we have that level of self awareness and we find things we get joy from, and, maybe even get really good at over time, our confidence builds and maybe even soars.


Self-awareness and confidence is an ecosystem that needs emotional intelligence to thrive.


To peace and prosperity,


jaxx x

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