I’ve started watching the series again and it’s fascinating to watch with a new pair of eyes. More to come on that but today it’s the turn of Miranda. She’s probably my favourite character as she has such a dry sense of humour that appeals to me. I don’t think there’s much to say about this one in terms of emotion coaching. During the same conversation that I started last week’s article with, Miranda is accused of going for ‘angry’ guys, that’s her pattern. But based on the guys we see her with, I don’t agree that’s it’s a pattern. I think her pattern is the same as the others, with the exception of Charlotte, and that’s being too quick to jump into bed instead of taking time to form an emotional connection, if a relationship is what they want that is, which we know isn’t the case for Samantha. But is very much the case for Carrie.
Was Miranda interested in having a relationship? I don’t know. It’s not clear what she was looking for. She is very career-driven, and her lack of emotional connection to herself and logical approach to life and love makes it hard to tell if she is interested in being in a relationship, which is, of course, absolutely fine.
Let’s suppose she does want to be in a relationship. There is some evidence as we see her get upset when she almost chokes to death when she moves into her new apartment, “I’m going to die alone Carrie”. A fear, I can relate to as someone who lives alone! We also see her getting emotional when she is out for a walk and spots Jeremy, a man she loved, who left her for another woman, so she is scarred by this break up.
Can I emotion coach Miranda? Does she have behaviours that aren’t helpful? Her hyper-independence is holding her back. She doesn’t let Steve in when he offers to go with her to get her eye operation, so much so, that she favours writing herself big notes of the numbers she wil need, yet she is sleeping with this guy. When did sexual intimacy become less emotional and vulnerable than being accompanied and helped after an eye operation?
We see her having a conversation with Carrie when she is deciding whether or not she wants to pursue an exclusive relationship with Steve second-time around, “maybe I should just be honest and tell him what I’m really feeling which is what if somebody better comes along.” Is it the case that she isn’t in control of her emotions whenever she is met with love and commitment? At least she is honest.
Then Steve pushes the envelope again by suggesting he moves in, which she is opposed to and doesn’t handle very well. She asks Carrie where her problem is, and it’s when she returns home that she realises she doesn’t like her empty apartment sans Steve. She is scared that she will expose her flaws - she doesn’t do laundry for two weeks and her sponges smell. Finally she opens up to a man who loves her and shows her vulnerability.
I would say this is where her pattern lies - in not being emotionally connected to herself. Is she scared of her emotions? Has she been conditioned to sweep her emotions under the proverbial rug, which is why she is hyper-independent?
If that’s the case, then emotion coaching Miranda would be about encouraging her to connect with her emotions, connecting to her heart, the feelings in her stomach, instead of always being in her head.
The one thing that Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda all have in common is that they are disconnected from their true emotions. With Carrie she is a frickin’ mess emotionally, she lets her emotions run the show. She is cut off from her left brain, living in her right brain, and there seems to be very little integration going on which would allow her to not have to ask her friends to “yank her out of it” - when she is engaged in a toxic affair with Big when he is married to Natasha.
Samantha appears to be in her left brain and her lizard brain, she is more animal than human (!), defaulting to base level sexual instincts, totally cut off from her emotions, from her right brain. Whereas Miranda is very much in her left brain, very logical and linear.
Then there’s Charlotte, who is connected to her emotions, less emotional than Carrie, but her brain seems to be the most integrated of them all. Until she meets Trey, when she allows herself to get carried up in her emotions and we know where that ends up!
Here is a fantastic video of Dr Dan Siegel talking about the left and right brain hemispheres.
There is so much more I could write about Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones and I’m sure I will.
To peace and prosperity,
jaxx
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